like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
