My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
