i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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