Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
