my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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