but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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