I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
