I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Randomize
