if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
