we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
we should paint friendship bongs
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
