Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
