i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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