well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
