the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
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