Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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