On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
