You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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