I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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