Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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