____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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