whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
