imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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