my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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