i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Randomize
