Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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