i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
