Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
