I've blown a few things in my day
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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