my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
