Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
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