Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
