i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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