I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
