if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
