Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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