You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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