Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
