I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
This is the high leading the old right now
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
The cops high fived after they tackled you
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
