Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
