I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
