Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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