96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
