This is not my ceiling
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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