Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
