i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
