I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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