I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I think your dad took our porno
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
