did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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