We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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