He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
