And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
